SAHM in The City.

OK, so here's the thing. I have no girlfriends who are mom's in my city. It is a total bummer. I went to another playgroup through the meet up organization. It was really nice to go to some one's house and just set the kiddos down and let them play while the girls gabbed. Problem is, I have absolutely nothing in common with these girls...I mean if we didn't have kiddos around the same age, our paths never would have crossed. Yes, I am watching Sex & the City reruns which is why I am in this longing for girlfriends mode. Anyway, the kiddos and I go to the park a lot...I am not kidding you, all nannies. I am not kidding you, no moms. Sometimes I feel like an alien for being a SAHM! Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with nannies, it's just that they all hang together and speak another language while the kiddos beat on each other in the sandbox. Needless to say, there isn't much for me to add in Polish. I keep trying new things...playgroups, zoo activities, sing alongs...these are all great things for the kiddos to do, it would just be more fun if I didn't feel so alone all the time. I guess I just wonder, do you make new friends as an adult? I am sittin' here trying to think of my last new friend. Oh, now I remember...That went really badly. What's a girl to do with no nanny in the city???


  1. I know what you mean. Although I don't live in a big city, the same issue trickles all the way out to the burbs. I recently became SAHM which is harder than I thought considering all my closest friends still work...making new friends is like pulling teeth.

    And now that I am older, we are all a bit more set in our ways. People are more quick to write each other off for some flaw we observed in a 5 minute conversation. When we were all younger, we were all still discovering "who we are" and friends helped in that process. Now that we are older it is like we are looking for friends that match us exactly, like we have to have 90% in common.

  2. Oh, sweetie! It is SO hard sometimes!

    Are there any facilitated moms groups in your area? (i.e., a bit like group therapy, with a non-facilitated continuation?)

    I hear ya on the park thing...when I was a nanny, the nannies thought I was the mom and the moms thought I was too young to be the mom/a babysitter. So the SAHD's would talk to me.

    Maybe there are other parks that the SAHM's go to?

    Have you tried Gymboree or Music Together? Fridays tend to be the day when part-time WOHM's work from home or don't work. Check the parks then?

  3. hi, i tagged you hope it's ok. God bless!

  4. I am in the same boat. I would like to point out however that all the girls in sex in the city have nothing in common. They are all very different. I have found that I put myself out there and try to strike up a friendship with people with whom I have nothing in common. Some of my dearest friends at our last base started that way. One from a playgroup, she is 10 years younger than me and sometimes drives me crazy with her parenting and personal philosophies, but we would get together and visit. Her stories and her life were interesting and we ended up truly caring for one another. Another woman I met who became a dear friend has no kids, we met taking a class together. We also have nothing in common. Or so it seemed, until we started spending time together and became friends.

    My point is that part of the problem is that new people don't feel like friends all at once. It sometimes takes awhile. Give them a call. Invite them over. Even if you have nothing in common. You never know. I will try to take my own advice, since I have no one here.

  5. Nap Warden,

    I understand the challenge. As your crew gets older you will begin to be referred to not by your name, but as the parent of X child.

    Most of our friends now come from kids events. We have ou really close ones that transcend location and time.

    Busy Dad

  6. Man that bites. I swear, it's getting harder and harder to meet new people. Remember when all we had to do was walk up to someone and ask them to "play" and suddenly she was our bff? (Ok- that might have been 25 years ago, but still. A fond memory.)

    Hang in there NW. Wish we were in the same city!


  7. I'm in the same boat. Back in the day it seemed I had no problems making friends. Of course that's when I was either in school or working. Now it's just so hard to find a mom friend who lives nearby to connect with... and those that I have connected with move away (it's so transient here where I live). I do like marsha's advice... I might have to look at it in a new way.

  8. OH no. That happens everywhere! What about at the new house you are moving to? Hopefully there will be a whole new pool of Mom's to hang with ... ?

  9. I think is is hard to make new friends as an adult. People are particular about accepting new friends - you know. You have to fit into their life as well as they have to fit into yours. I was on this "new friend" search about 2 years ago and I found myself one really good friend. I would say that I pursued her though. I picked her out (amongst my teenage girlfriends' mothers) and I wooed her for months. She eventually "let me in" and now we are nearly inseperable. I wish you luck finding new friends. But always remember that it is better to have one really good friend - than to have many not so good friends. Just search out one and then go for it. see ya.

  10. Wow, that's miserable. Most of my friends I made at church or in my neighborhood. Do you have a MOPS??

  11. I know what you mean. Especially the part about not having anything to add in Polish. Kidding!

    But while I have acquaintances at church and my part time job, there's no one I hang with and some have kids and some don't. No one seems to have any time anymore.

    I'd totally hang with you, solely based on the fact that you're wearing a superhero outfit on your avatar.

  12. Imagine being a SAHD in a world of SAH MOMS! I find it very hard to find guys to interact with...all the classes we do are mostly (usually all) mommies...I try and keep my social life going separate from Daddy duties...that is just what works for me...

    The Egel Nest

  13. Do blogging buddies count? 'Cuz I kind of consider you a new friend and wished you lived...oh, about three states closer!

    Have you tired Baby Loves Disco?


  14. I used to have a lot of friends...then I, I have for lovely online people like yourself. I work where the business is primarily men...but there are a few ladies in our office, I just have a hard time making friends with them. So, I work...come home, take care of my family...I miss having girlfriends to chat with/hang out with/have girls night out there...if you live near me, let's meet/greet...get to know one another...and Nap Warden...if we were close...I would totally hang out with ya!

  15. I have two babies and I love to hang out! They are 1 and 2 years old and their names are Bunny and Peach and are technically your babies. Does that not count?

  16. Making friends is hard! I've joined online playgroups only to meet people in person and realize that we just don't 'click'... It's hard to get up the gumption to put yourself out there to begin with and then to find out you don't have enough in common, just stinks.

    Are there groups like MOPS that you could find where it's all other moms instead of nannies? My close friend who's a SAHM has gotten to know a lot of people through her local MOPS group...

    Good luck! Hugs...

  17. Oh, I have the hardest time making friends. I've been telling myself for months that I have to go out and meet some other mommies, if not for me, at least so the Peanut can socialize. Yeah, I'm still working on that.

    And the nanny thing? People have thought *I* was the nanny on more than one occasion. I still haven't figured out a witty/scathing response to that one yet.

  18. Wish I could tell you. Where I live, a nanny is rare.


Back to Top