One Liners

This was taken with my friends iphone. D*mn you iphone...I want one!'s the deal...It's new project time. I have a writer lined up for this one. Problem is...he's a single guy, with no kids:/ I need to send him a list of Mom stuff/words.

Get what I mean here? Give me a word, or a line, or a description...something that is mom, or mom blogger esq.

Like, I'll go first..."Boo boo kisser", "Bottom wiper", "Short order cook", "Laundry woman", "Chauffeur", "Don't eat dirt!", "Don't make me come upstairs!", "Yoga pants"....

I need to make a long list of words he can draw guys are a sharp bunch, so help me out here, m'kay?


  1. Sleep deprived
    Emotional wreck
    Helicopter mom
    Playground mama

  2. Ponytail Mafia
    Booger wiper
    SAHM (Stay at Home Martyr)-my least favorite
    Alice (from the Brady Bunch)
    Stroller Pusher
    Binky Police
    I will have to think of more for you.

  3. How about anything involving bodily fluids ... puke, poop, pee, spit, snot (I could go on and on).

    Or anything involving snacktime ... goldfish, cheerios, sippy cups, juice boxes, raisin boxes, don't put that [fill-in-the-blank food] up your nose ...

  4. Your biggest fan
    Queen Bee
    If mama ain't happy, ain't no one happy
    the dairy farm

  5. ATM

    Thats all I have right now...seems I am always handing out money

  6. Hover Mother
    Human Jungle Gym
    Because I Said So ( a little old school but it works)
    It's __________ or Nothing
    Snot Patrol
    Quick! Get Me The Duck Tape
    Get Out Of The Kitchen
    I'm Going Potty, Not Having A Party
    Did You Fart? (To Husband or oldest child)
    Butt Sniffer ( when no one farted)

  7. Teen list:
    ATM (that one deserves to be listed twice)
    Shower mafia
    "I'm tired of seeing teen a$$! Pull up your pants!!"
    Smells like teen spirit
    Soccer mom
    Bed checker
    "back in the day"

  8. Placenta brain
    You get what you get and you don't get upset
    Nap fail
    Mini Van/Traveling Playroom

  9. Or you could hire a mom who also happens to be a professional copywriter at Chicago's biggest ad agency. Ahem.

    Seriously, I don't work for free, but we could work out a barter (art for copy).

  10. Referee
    Translator of toddler language
    Detective specializing in missing 'must have' toys
    Diaper sniffer
    Juice fetcher

  11. Playpen nurse

    Armchair doctor/mediator/shrink get where I'm going with this.

    "The mothership" 20 year old's friends gave me this one. I'm not sure if it's good or not. But judging on the number of times they have all invaded our home, I'm going to go ahead and ASSume it's cool!

  12. Things I've said today:

    Don't make me come up there!

    Get your feet off the ceiling! (seriously)

    I can't hear you when you whine!

  13. pooptastic. my day has been udderly pooptastic.

  14. "When I say no, I mean no."


    "Why are you crying?"

    "Why are you crying again?"

    "DRINK YOUR MILK or no dessert."

    cute pic

  15. did you .... did you ..... did you (do your homework, brush your teeth, take out the garbage)

    time out

    love you to infinity

  16. Well since I have all boys (between the ones who are still home - 9 yr.old twins and 15 yr. old) I'm known as:

    The Warden (I oversee all and punish accordingly).

    Homework Enforcer
    Queen of "you're ruining my life"
    Super Shuttle
    PTA Dodger

  17. I'm usually heard shouting, "I just want a PIP!" (A poop in peace.) I hate having an audience when I'm trying to take a crap.

  18. said to my teenager "You should move out now while you still know it all"

  19. wardrobe consultant and negotiator
    make up artist
    the drill sargent
    the homework doer/enforcer
    the biatch
    who farted
    who pooped and didn't flush
    oh, i could go on and on and on...

  20. "Somebody" left the light on, left the door open, left the food out, left the water on, didn't flush, didn't replace the toilet paper, didn't rinse his plate, forgot to shut the garage door, left the garbage cans at the street, didn't get the garbage cans to the street....

    "Somebody" is code word for anybody but mom.


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