My mantra on my travels through single girl hood was "boys. are. dumb."
I said this because I could NEVER explain why they said what they said, and did what they did.
Here are some of the guys I met along my way to Happily Ever After...
Inside Weeknight Guy- This one is really a personal fav. of mine. I had a gal pal named Lana. (You know that girl, who totally acts like a dude.) That was Lana...she was all about the deed and getting out before any cuddling. Until she met I.W.G. (inside weeknight guy).
Basically, Lana fell head over heels for I.W.G. You guessed it, he would only see her inside on weeknights. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out dude has got something else going on...right?
Well, I lost touch with Lana (she always kind of weirded me out, I felt like I was hanging in the men's locker room when I was with her)
Flash forward...I'm at a Halloween party. Batman was hitting on me. My only rule for Halloween is NEVER meet a guy on Halloween. NEVER! Well, I broke my rule. (find me a guy who doesn't look good in a Batman suit) Batman pursued me relentlessly...and I finally gave him my number (HUGE mistake)
I knew the second I saw him in street clothes, no dice pal. I was like (in my head) "can't you just take me to McDonald's and call it a night?" Bah...I went on the date...only to figure out...
HE WAS INSIDE WEEKNIGHT GUY!!!
It took me weeks to get rid of him. Yes I was immature...I did the whole not answer my phone deal. Looking back now, why didn't I just say "Hey I.W.G. I'm just not that into you." or pull the full on Marsha Brady and say "Something suddenly came up."
Oddly enough, he then ended up hooking up with one of my best friends "just to get back at me" I never understood what that meant? I went on one date, never kissed him, and he had to get back at me...Hello crazy!
Conan O'brien (I'm just not ready for this guy)- No, I did not date the actual Conan O'brien (just his twin)...(OK, not actually his twin, but a guy who really, really looked like him)
Anyway...did you date this guy? We went on the most awesome date. Dinner (no I don't remember the place) after dinner, he took, me to The Old Man Bar (no it is not named The Old Man Bar) The old man bar is actually a bar where old men hang out and drink. You know the place...kind of a dive nothing going on but drinking and TV (dark...humid...a bit stinky)
It was such an odd place to go on a first date...and yet, we talked the whole night away in The Old Man Bar...then he walked me home, and planted one single kiss on me. I thought it was the perfect date, and I had no doubt Conan would call me. I waited...and waited...and WAITED. Conan. Never. Called!
I saw him at a party weeks later. Do you know the line Conan fed me? I know you do...it's a line that guys use even today (not like it was that long ago, but men are so different now...you got metro sexuals, and sexting, and facebooking, and Tweeting...How do you date today Sissy?) Bah...I'm off track...Line pahlease Warden...
"Blah, blah, blah (not actually blah, blah blah just pointless drivel about how perfect I am but...)...I'm just not ready for this now."
What is that crap?!? Sissy has been fed that line as well. Ummmm...you're not ready to date a fabulous girl, and you'd rather date idiots and bimbos? Oh...I get it...NOT:P
Wedding ring and a gun in a safe guy- 'Nuff said. (Nutter nutter peanut butter) Seriously...he opened a safe, and showed me a wedding ring in a box...next to a gun...aaaaaand scene!
Talking to Sissy about the guys she meets, is what stirred up these bumps in the memories of dating road. She tells me stories that blow my mind...and of course leads me back to my initial revelation..."boys are dumb:P" (except Husband and The Little Man)
I like, so do not miss dating:P