4.03.2008

Lil' Help Here...

Sissy is like the little sister I don't have. She was my clerk a lifetime ago when I was a trader. This is a Chicky who is in her late 20's, she's the nicest girl. She knows how to glam it up, and she can hang in a sports bar with a baseball hat and jeans. Low maintenance, lots of fun, so what guy doesn't want a girl like that? I gotta tell ya', I am completely useless when it comes to guy advice for Sissy. The singles world has changed since I was in it...it's on a whole 'nother planet! There were no "metrosexuals" when I was out there, guys were just guys. They didn't have as much personal products as I did. There was no text messaging, guys just waited the acceptable three days and then called us. Most of all, there was really no Internet to speak of, no Match.com. It seems to me that everyone is on Match.com. Quite frankly, my take on Internet dating is quite simple...Guys look at it as an all you can eat buffet. They date a brunette one night, a blond the next. My problem is...what do I say when Sissy sits on my couch and says "How am I gonna meet a guy Nap Warden?" I got nothin', nothin'! I mean she's out there. She goes to fund raisers, she goes to ball games, she goes to bars, she does Internet dating...Yet, she still seems to meet the same guy, who isn't looking for anything but a good time, not looking to get serious. I'm tellin' you people, I need some help here! What do I tell my girl Sissy? How is she gonna meet a nice guy? Just a nice guy...it's not like she's looking for Brad Pitt. She likes big dorky guys...So what's wrong with these big dorky guys? Help me out here people...

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28 comments:

  1. I know it is so frowned upon, and can have an ugly turn-out, but the best relationships I have ever had were with men that I worked with. We had a lot in common based on our job choices, and the interest and conversation blossomed from there . . . hubby did all his flirting and pursuing when we were on joint calls.

    I don't envy Sissy's position - you are very right in noticing how different men are today versus just5 years ago! No man I knew waxed, dyed his hair, or even considered Internet dating. Hope her luck changes soon!
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  2. I have no clue either. I married my high school sweetheart. I never even had to do the 3 day rule thing. So, I'm even worse with advice than you are. Good luck finding Sissy a goofy guy. Those should be a dime a dozen, right?
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  3. It is so hard to come to grips with, but it seems to me that you always meet the right guy when you aren't looking.

    I dated countless losers that I met when I was actually looking. Usually out at some bar, half in the bag. Not pretty.

    But, I met my hubby at my workplace. And I worked in a small manufacturing plant in a very VERY small town. My mom used to tell me that maybe I would meet someone at work, but I just laughed. I mean, you should have seen some of the guys! Talk about redneck goof balls! But one day, my hubby walked in as a temp CAD designer....and here we are 11 years later.
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  4. I have no idea, but I will say that I do not envy her situation.. Singlehood is tough!
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  5. I met my husband through a friend, a set up. Maybe she should spend her free time doing the things she really loves instead of looking for guys at bars. Unless that is fun for her and then at least she is having a good time. I mean like going to bed early on a Friday night getting up early on a Saturday and spending the day? For me it would be hiking, camping, volunteering with the poor, but what are her interests? Maybe she could find someone with similar interests if she was pursuing her interests. How did you meet your husband?
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  6. Has she considered enrolling in some college classes? It should still be a happy hunting ground. Evening classes at a DePaul or Loyola should provide an opportunity to meet others, and get you out of the house. Who knows she could end up with a Masters degree and a spouse?
    Or what about some church young members groups?
    Then there are the speed dating options.
    You are correct about texting, and telephones....
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  7. I think Marshamlo had the best advice. It really does seem to happen when you aren't looking for it. I think you have to figure out who you are and what you want from life before you attract the right person.
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  8. I would NOT want to be single nowadays. Not. At. All. Men aren't raised to be mature, stable husbands anymore. They are raised to be immature, irresponsible playboys. It's an epidemic.

    *Stepping off soapbox.*

    I'm sure I'm no help, but I met my hubby when a) I had sworn off men and b) it was a blind date.

    Your friend sounds like an amazing catch. Best of luck to her.
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  9. I have no advice, I haven't dated in over twelve years. If she is looking at the same kind of guys over and over... that may be her issue, big and dorky or not. My husband is not like any guy I ever dated before him. I resisted dating him (friends set me up) because I didn't think he was my "type". I am so glad he wasn't my type! Those guys were all asses!
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  10. I dated for a very, very long time (but before Match and all the other online stuff became so popular).

    My advice... forget bars. One in ten million women meets her hubby in a bar.

    Work is always a great way to meet guys (although can be a bit problematic when you break up).

    Unfortunately, you just have to get out there, get set up, go to wine tastings, go to anything that appeals to you... and eventually that guy will bump right into you.

    But the waiting sucks.

    BTW - little known secret. Single men don't go to fundraisers (they are mostly dragged there by their wives) so you save a lot of $$ by skipping the fundraisers.

    Oh and date hot, younger guys til your hubby shows up.
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  11. I wish I had the answers, Thank goodness I am not out there "looking" I wouldn't know what to do. It seems that things were simpler 12 years ago when I met my husband, but..... I must admit I met him in a chat room! Totally by chance. Maybe that is it you can't go looking for it you just have to sit back and wait for it to happen.
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  12. You're gonna laugh..I met my husband off of match.com. Good luck to your sister!
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  13. I found my big dorky man online, lol :) I think we were both looking for the same thing. Of course there were many, many strange and creepy men that had to be weeded out of the cyber bunch, but in the end, we both were not interested in the 1-night hook-ups or "just fun." We shared similar interests, chatted online, and then took the leap to meet in person. In all honesty, that was way more nerve racking than meeting some of my ex's at bars and events.

    Dating is not easy. Every time my girl friends complain about dating, I let out a sigh that I'm not in that world anymore.

    In the past I had luck in classes, through friends, and yes, at bars ;) Hope your friends luck changes soon!
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  14. Hi! Thanks for the input everyone...I have a date tonight hopefully it will go well :-)

    Sissy!!
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  15. I have two girlfriends who met their "husbands" on match.com
    The bars are usually not a good idea, I met my first husband in a bar...nuff said! Just kidding, I am sure there are great guys "cruising bars for chics"...the grocery store is always a good place, on a Saturday morning, early. Depending on what kind of guy she is into...Harley shops are always drowning in men, so are Sports stores and of course..rodeos!
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  16. I wish her the best - I don't have any advice for getting a guy other than being yourself... but she sounds like a lot of fun to hang out with!
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  17. sorry! no help here. I've dated one guy. one. met in college, married after I graduated.
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  18. I'm like her, I've been looking but the dating world is pretty insane those days....
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  19. Not sure if it is any help but I met my husband at a party. I knew his boss.....met at a New year's party, married the weekend after Thanksgiving. All in 1997!

    The thing is, I wasn't looking. I met him and he rocked my world (Can you tell I am watching Rock of love?)
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  20. They are big and dorky?

    I think guys these days are just completely clueless and I am not being much help. So sorry.
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  21. This is tough. Unfortunately most of the guys I came across prior to my husband were jerks, none were looking for commitment. It is a rare guy in his early to mid-20s that is ready to settle down.

    I used yahoo personals. Never thought it would work, but it did.

    I wish her the best of luck! The only advice is it seems to happen when you least expect it.
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  22. I have a friend that sounds exactly like your friend. Initially, I'd try to be helpful but like you, I just feel useless now. Its a whole different game. I think if i weren't married, I'd probably be the one asking the questions "how will I meet someone?"
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  23. I met my Prince Charming at work. Very un-PC, I know but works for us! (: Good luck, Sissy....
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  24. I am so glad that I am happily married for 38 years. I wouldn't know what to do on a date any more. I probably wouldn't even want to KNOW what they do on dates now!
    I've never heard of anyone seeing so many celebrities! If I didn't have Step*hen King living a couple miles away I wouldn't have anyone to see! Don't even see him very often any more.
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  25. Oh, I am reading intently here . . . I have a great friend who is in the same boat. It is just a different world out there . . .

    Just noticed that Sissy commented (at least I hope that was her). Hope the date goes well!!!
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  26. Sissy,

    I didn't feel old until I realized that I dated before text messaging, the internet, but soon after fire. Being a guy, I just went to the fire circle, woman bonked me on the head and she dragged me home by my hair. (Not true.) We met through friends, again through school, and social events) We celebrate our 17th Anniversary this year.

    All I can say is to find a treasure you have to turn over a couple of rocks. I am lucky my spouse kissed this frog! (She still didn't get Prince Charming!)

    Guys are simple. Food, activities and fun. Metro is just another word for high maintenance. DRCMOM is right about men not being mature, I resemble that remark. We don't want to be.

    Secret Code, bar chicks....never seemed to work out. We know, or think we know, what they are looking for. Having friends set you up..okay. Work is very tricky but you spend a 1/3 of your life there.

    Be disinterested and it gets them everytime. Stop looking. The comment about the fund raisers...its like trying to look for dates at the country club. Usually well protected.

    Go and be you. Enjoy what it is you do. Guys dig, confident, healthy, smart, "hot" looking women (we are visual)who are happy. (we can tell) Along the way good things will happen.

    Back to the cave. Spouse comes with little cave people and club!

    Good luck
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  27. I am of no use to you. I started dating Mr. Husband when I was in high school and have no clue how anybody meets anybody if it's not while driving around aimlessly on the town's main drag.
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  28. Good Luck Sissy!!

    I think having good friends introduce you to single guys that they know is a start.

    I married Busy Dad...almost 17 years ago. I know things have changed a ton since then!!
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