Run Report (The Agony of Defeat)

I spent Friday night with cold sweats, the shakes, and a sore throat. Saturday, my fever broke, but I still had the throat problems and no energy at all. I wish I could have rested more, but Husband had obligations, so I had to watch the babies (which is so hard when you're sick). All that aside, I got up at 4:30 in the morning and headed downtown for my race (half marathon).
Seriously, I am standing at the bus stop at 5am, and some bar rats actually hit on me! You know it's early when you go out at the same time the night crawlers are heading home...just crazy! Anyway, I made the starting line (with 12,000 other runners), and tried to be OK. I was OK for the first 7 miles. I was hitting my 9 minute pace like clockwork. Bam, bam, bam like a machine...then...we came to the turnaround. WHEELS. WAGON. OFF.
At mile 7, we turned and headed back towards the city. If any of you are familiar with Chicago, you know the wind comes out of nowhere. If you are running into it, especially on the lake front, it completely blows your time out of the water. I knew the second I turned, I wasn't going to be able to keep my pace for the next 6 miles into the wind:P
I finished, I didn't stop, but I did not get the time I wanted. What can I say? I am bummed out. I don't even know what to take away from this run? Even as I sit here now, my throat still hurts, I am still not over whatever it is I came down with. I just wish I knew how to process this and use it as a learning experience, as a stepping stone for my marathon...I just don't know how? Everyone says I'm being too hard on myself...maybe so. I'm just p*ssed off!
There was no way I wasn't going to run this morning. Sick or not, I was going to make the start. I hate having excuses "I was sick" or "the wind sucked" I hate that, that was the defining factors to my disappointing time! Ugh...I just haven't processed this yet...Here's my medal...right now it's in the back of my closet. Perhaps I should be proud of myself for doing the best that I could considering my conditions...but right now, I'm not...Right now, I'm just disappointed.
Tomorrow is a swim day. Just keep on trucking.

33 comments

  1. Cyn, I'm proud of you. It's amazing that you did it. Of course you're hard on yourself, we are our own worst enemies.
    The fact that you did it, you got up, you didn't let anything stop you, no excuses, no BS, no whining.
    You are amazing, an inspiration.
    I'm sorry that you're frustrated, but I personally am so proud of you.

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  2. I agree with Rachel! You deserve that medal because you got up and you did it! The bright side is that today was not marathon day, right? :)

    Let your body get better and you'll be out there running faster before you know it.

    Lisa

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  3. Just the fact that you run AT ALL deserves kudos. I keep telling myself I'm going to make more of an effort to get in better shape, but even if I *had* a workout routine, I can't say I'd do it on a day when I'm sick. BIG "way to go" from me!!!

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  4. The lesson I was thinking? Sometimes *sick* happens.

    Seriously, you deserve a gold medal for going out there and giving all you could considering you weren't feeling well.

    Another lesson? There's always next time.

    :D

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  5. I don't know if it'a a woman thing, but seriously, we beat ourselves up way too much for things that are really an accomplishment.

    You may not have done it exactly the way you'd hoped, but you DID IT.

    Congrats.

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  6. I'm sorry you didn't do as good as you thought you would. It always sucks when things beyond our control keep us from reaching our goal. But that's just it, it was beyond your control. You being sick and the horrible wind aren't 'excuses', they're reasons. An excuse is something you make up to make you feel better about not doing as good as you should, but a reason is a reality. It's the truth. You were sick and the wind was against you. You can't control everything, but the things you could control, you did control. You showed up on time, slept as well as you could, tried to feel better and pushed yourself has hard as you could. That's all. And next time, you'll remember how you feel now, but you won't be sick and you won't have the wind against you and you'll reach your goal. That's what this experience has given you, the drive to do better the next time.
    At least put the medal in the FRONT of the closet!

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  7. Ok, wait one minute here. You kick ass way more than a number recorded on a clock. You finished didn't you? Even though you were sick, hello!

    It might not have been the right time for you, for boston, so your body succumbed to illness.

    I still think you are fabulous.

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  8. I'm sorry you got sick right before the big race. You are still amazing though, and I can't believe you managed to finish it with the sickness and the wind against you and everything. You truly do rock.

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  9. Cyn,

    What you did is an amazing thing. You are ispiring. You got up even if you were sick.

    I'm proud of you!!!!!


    hugs

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  10. You got up and went. That is more than most people would have done. There is next time to get your time. This time is done and you can move on proud of how you did.

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  11. i think you need to give yourself a pat on the back and realize that getting up and doing it while being sick is the major point. you are still in training and isn't that what training is for, to improve ? so you have more time to improve....

    maybe after some time away from it you will feel a bit better and realize how awesome what you did was ....

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  12. The best part is that you did it! That is an accomplishment in itself. Congrats on finishing~ in spite of not feeling 100%.

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  13. Y'know you did a great job. And, in a weird way, your disappointment at yourself is something that I really admire. You don't give yourself any excuses and you are so determined to make it to the full marathon. You're an inspiration. Good luck with the swimming tomorrow.

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  14. If you did this "good" feeling crappy, imagine how great you will do when you are completely on your game.

    And you must have looked pretty hot at 5:00am to get hit on!

    Wear your medal with pride!

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  15. Are you trying to make me drive up there and kick your ass? YOU WERE SICK. Sick people are unable to perform physical activities at peak performance. It's a fact. Not whining, a fact. Cut yourself a tiny bit of slack, wumman!

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  16. You are a finisher! That says something.
    I've never run a marathon. Or even a half marathon. I don't have a good reason.

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  17. I understand the disappointment but you did an awesome job *while you were sick and exhausted **into the wind***. Just think about how great your time will be when you are feeling 100%! I know that doesn't lessen the "blow" of not having the run you want, but I'm proud of you!
    Have a great swim day and feel better!!!

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  18. You are being way too hard on yourself. You ran while sick and in major winds. That is DEDICATION. I'm proud of you.

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  19. On a limb with ClaudiaAugust 11, 2008 at 11:16 AM

    I think some days are just like that. You did a great job just hanging in there! Congratulations

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  20. I am still more than impressed that you ran the 1/2 marathon ... sick no less. You have to be even the remotest big proud of that - regardless of your time. :)

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  21. Great job on the facts of your condition. Don't be so hard on yourself. Lordy girl if I was you I would not be putting that in back of the closet.

    Sorry your sick, I hope you get to feeling better :)

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  22. Sorry you didn't get the time you wanted, but the fact that you ran even with all of the obstacles against you and KNOWING that you wouldn't do as well as you'd have liked speaks worlds about you, hon.

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  23. SICK is REAL. Don't be so hard on yourself. Tomorrow (today) will be better. Just you wait.

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  24. For what it is worth I AM PROUD OF YOU!
    shoot if I had felt as bad as you did I would have used it as an excuse not to go!!!
    But you went and that is AWESOME!

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  25. What?! That is awesome! Look at that medal! You did great.

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  26. AWESOME JOB!!! It sucks that we never know how Race Day will prevail- but at least you got the medal;-)

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  27. The fact that you kept on going is inspiring, honey! I need to be more like you, seriously.

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  28. Way yo go! That is simply amazing. And here I am procratinating over a 20 minute walk on the treadmill!

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  29. Oh hun, I can't agree more with the rest. You totally deserve a huge pat on the back for truckin' through this.

    So sorry you're feeling down. I am so very proud of you. Hope you're feeling better.

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  30. Hey kiddo you toughed it out and that makes you a winner! Proud of you skeezix.

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  31. Wow, you totally rock. I know that means nothing when you hear other people tell you that, but hear me, YOU ROCK!

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  32. I, of course, agree with everyone else out there. You are awesome!!

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