Am I overreacting ?
I became friendly with neighbors down the block, when I first meet them I really liked one - let's call her Lulu, the other one was a bit abrasive and loud, lets call her Crazy. I was happy I found some friends in the hood and Lulu's daughter was the same age as my daughter. Lulu and Crazy live right near each other and were very close, Godparent's to each other's kids. I would never say to Lulu, listen I really can't see why you are friends with Crazy, she is not so nice. I just new that I would become friends with Lulu and keep a more neighborhood polite relationship with Crazy.
Eventually Crazy and Lulu started having a fall out. Crazy was saying some nasty things about Lulu. Crazy is the ONE FRIEND type of person. She needs that one very close friend she can manipulate, and when Lulu started getting other friends Crazy didn't like it. The crack started, got worse, and finally Lulu was crying to me how mean Crazy was being. I was finally able to say listen, I didn't understand why you were friends with her in the first place you seem very different. It was a case of Lulu moving in and Crazy was already there she showed her the ropes of the town, helped her with her kids.
So now Crazy and Lulu are in a bad way, and Crazy has done some mean things. Once, after Lulu said she was hosting a direct sales party, Crazy sent out invites and hosted one a month before Lulu's ???? without telling her ?? So when I got the invite I called Lulu and said are you still having yours? Mean!
There have been many of these type of incidents. However the latest drama is that Crazy needs a job and wound up getting a job as a T.A. at the local nursery school where my daughter and Lulu's daughter will go. We found out the Crazy is teaching in our girl's class. We weren't happy (b/c now she will know my business) BUT I could deal. She has her master's in teaching and I know she will be a good teacher. Not a problem, move on, not happy about it, but will deal. Well we found out that she will be taking her 6 year old son with her into their classroom ??? B/c he has afternoon Kindergarten and she doesn't have childcare (won't pay for it). I was pissed. Why does my child's class have to suffer with a 6 year old boy that is clearly too old for the class?
I ask you, am I overreacting? I would feel this way about any 6 year old, not just b/c it is Crazy's. However the fear of saying something to the director is pretty high b/c of the wrath I might get from Crazy. Plus maybe I am overacting. What do you think ??
I give it to you oh brilliant Blogoshpere, sadly, I don't know what to think...In The Big City, we don't know our neighbors, so I have never navigated these waters. Help a fellow Blogger out, I'm curious to hear what you all think...and so is she:)
Wow, neighbor drama!
ReplyDeleteSeems to me that 'crazy' is seriously unprofessional to bring her child into work with her. Even though it's a child friendly place, her child isn't in the class and shouldn't be there. An older child would be a distraction to the younger children and could pull them away from their learning. If I were you, I'd get together with the other parents of the children in the class and construct a letter to her supervisor from all of you and if you can, get someone else to take it to the super, so that 'Crazy' doesn't think you're the mastermind behind the whole deal, that you're just another parent looking out for your child
I had a friend like 'crazy' once. She ended up alienating herself from everyone else and now has no friends at all. Boohoo for her.
Oh, how I LOVE neighborhood drama! Let me say, I love watching it NOT being in it.
ReplyDeleteSo, lets hit this bad boy...
~Crazy is CRAZY! The fact that she can only be "one person friend" is well... CRAZY! Seriously lady venture out an meet others! ROFL! I could not careless if Crazy has a masters, she would NOT be teaching my child anything! I do believe her action out in public speak for themselves. You should talk to the Director in a private setting and make it known that she is to keep the meeting anonymous. As a director she should do this anyway. Now, on the other hand do you really think that this 6 year old wants to be in this class? UMMM, no!! So, he will busy himself with other stuff and most likely "help" her if need be. Also, she must really need to work if she is having to bring her kid with her. Don't stoop to her level. Let it be or talk to the director and voice your concerns if they are valid. Be nice, she has your kids in her class...
I don't think you're overreacting. If I was paying to send my child to a nursery school for 3-5 year olds and they stuck a 6 year old boy in the class, I would be a little miffed. Of course, it also depends on how the kid behaved. If he's a distraction, then that's a problem. I agree with Lisa, I would talk with the other parents about it and see what they think. I do think that if you want to address the problem, you should just address it with the director and ask that your name(s) not be relayed to Crazy. Because, well, she is crazy.
ReplyDeletehmmmmm.....the neighborhood/friend drama sucks.
ReplyDeleteHaving her for a teacher....for you kid...doens't sound fun.
However, I wouldn't see a problem with her son being in class until there is a problem. I would wait to see how it plays out before saying anything at all. It may work out fine.
I'm surprised that the center is even allowing her to bring her child into work with her. I'm sure that other parents will have an issue with it also.
ReplyDeleteYou could always give it a week and see how bad it is and then complain after you have more than a gut instinct about it not working out?
surprised the school would let this happen...
ReplyDeleteI haven't had drama that big before, but I'd say First: Find a new preschool. I don't care how much you love the one you were going to use. Call the preschool and tell them that you don't agree to an older child in the room and want to back out. You MAY want to mention how crazy Crazy is, but that's a personal choice. It could backfire on you.
ReplyDeleteAlso, just like any break up, there's always the chance that they could get back together. And if that happens, well, you could lose Lulu if you've been talking badly about Crazy. Just be careful in what you say...
Take this with a grain of salt, or many grains, since I am not yet a mother. But from my perspective, I think she should stay out of Lulu's and Crazy's friendship. It's obviously complicated, you really have nothing to do with it. Just continue your friendship with Lulu and be a pair of ears if needed. As for Crazy taking her son, I also don't think thats awful. People make do with whatever they got all over the world. I am suer her kid won't be a nuisance or a detriment to your childrens learning. If he is, then I would voice your concern. But you would probably do the same, if you were in the situation, no? IN any case, that is my SINGLE GIRL perspective, so maybe its totally wacko to you all!
ReplyDeletewow. i, personally, would be really miffed about the son being there. for a couple of reasons: one, my daughter has autism and the smaller ratio of kids to teacher is important....two, i'm a teacher and i don't get to bring my kid to work when i won't pay for daycare! that's insane. i'd be raising hell over that.
ReplyDeleteI live in a neighborhood where drama is always going on. I've learned to be cordial by saying hello, but minding my own business. I made a mistake once and became friends with a neighbor who turned out to be not so nice after all. I just walked away from that friendship and took the high road.
ReplyDeleteI still can't believe the school will allow that to happen.
Good Luck to you.
I find it highly unusual that a teacher would be allowed to have their child in class with them (if it's not age appropriate). Clearly a kindergartener in a preschool is not age appropriate. And, I am sure will be quite the distraction.
ReplyDeleteIn this case, I would definitely speak up at school, with the director. Then I would question the school if they allow children to tag along. Doesn't seem very professional to me.
And I agree, be careful when meddling with LuLu and Crazy, how would you feel if the reconciled?
Where ever there are people there is drama.
ReplyDeleteMaybe Crazy is a poor friend but just maybe things will work out.
In the situation where you are the customer if you are uncomfortable let someone know. Since people don't deal with conflict well there could be some discomfort. It could work to your advantage.
If it worries you or you are not happy. Mention it.
i would just see how it plays out...then maybe consider switching. but for now...you will see what happens!
ReplyDeletegood luck to you.
drama sucks...
Hey, guest poster. I agree, I would take my business elsewhere if possible and tell the school the reason you are taking your business elsewhere. Explain that both the teacher choice and the 6yo in your child's class are both reasons to leave. If they decide to make some staffing adjustments, will they please call you and you will reconsider? This may be a way to go. BTW will you ever have to face this woman later, like at PTA or soccer games? Be assertive and proactive for your child, but at the same time don't burn any bridges that you can't afford to.
ReplyDeleteOne other way to go... don't know how you feel about this... is to try to get to the heart of Crazy. Try to get her to come out of her Crazy shell. Maybe underneath that crazy exterior is a mom who is just insecure like all of us. Maybe she just doesn't know how to deal with it. If nothing else, you can treat her with kindness when everyone else is treating her badly. If she doesn't want to talk or is a jerk to you, you haven't lost anything by trying. You can be clear and tell her how much you enjoy being friends with Lulu and although you know you aren't as close to her as Lulu is, is there anything you can do to help? Don't get sucked in, though. If she wants to hang out, only do it if Lulu can come too or say No I can't I have plans with Lulu. That way she knows that you are not going to become her new #1 BFF.
Good Luck!
Now I know what to do when I need to blog about something that I don't feel I can blog about on my own blog!!
ReplyDeleteSeriously though, I think its unprofessional of Crazy to take her kid to class with her. How is this even allowed by the center? Maybe a complaint to the boss of the place would set things straight without anybody getting singled out.
Ugh! Ok, first of all, I love the guest blogger post. Great idea.
ReplyDeleteThe whole thing is bad bad bad. CRAZY is not going to stop with her drama.
and the bringing the 6 yr old to the preschool, bad idea. I would definately go and talk to the admin at the school. i would be pissed off.
i hope this situation gets somehow resolved.
i have my own situation going on today, which I also can't blog about so I can understand.
Whoa! I would not even know where to start with the advice. I live in way too big a city for this ever to become an issue for me either. Please keep us posted though. I really hope it gets worked out :(
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't want her teaching my kid. Had something similar at church and the Sunday school teacher was always trying to get things out of my kids as well as trying to get my kids to see things from HER point of view.
ReplyDeleteI would be having a fit - no way a school should let that happen. If older boy does something school can be liable so I would start asking some questions on that front. The more people complain the more something will be done about it. (Also it keeps it from being JUST you.)
Good luck!