7.30.2008

Blogging=Narcissism?

I have had something stuck in my craw for about a week. What better place to share than here...on my blog. Last week, I got an email that said...
"I am so confused...I don't understand blogging...if you need to talk get a shrink...or just become an alcoholic...you can talk to the bartender and watch the game at the same time..."
Then they added this...
"I dont know why people want to air there BS lives all over the internet like anyone cares...Blogging=Narcissism"
Well thank you for your crappy opinion dolt! What really bugged me was, this wasn't a troll. This is a "friend" of mine! We had been playing phone tag forever, and hadn't seen each other in forever, so I emailed him my blog url, and my design site url. Simply because if anyone asks what I've been up to, that sums it up (let's just keep Twitter and Plurk in the closet...shhhh).
Next thing I know, I am a narcissist with a BS life! Obviously, Mr. Dummy doesn't get blogging. I don't think it's about narcissism at all.
I started blogging a year ago. I had two tiny babies, and I spent much of my time quietly tiptoeing around the house encouraging them to sleep. I felt like I was losing all my talent for programs like Photoshop. I felt like my brain was turning to oatmeal. I really didn't feel good about being "just a SAHM". All of my friends were single working folks, and I was in a completely different world.
The stake in my heart was when one of my then girlfriends told me "I don't have time to chit-chat with you during the day...I work". That just killed me! Being a SAHM is the hardest work I have ever done, and my self worth was really low. It seemed to me that since I didn't earn a paycheck, my work didn't count to anyone. I decided I needed to find a Mom group to at least try to meet other women in my position. Straight to Google I went.
That is how I found "Mommy Blogging". I read about women all over the place who were doing the same thing I was doing, and feeling the same way I was feeling. *exhale* I wasn't alone, or out of my mind, or the only SAHM in the world! Shortly there after, I started this blog.
The Chronicles of a SAHM keeps me sharp. It makes me feel like I am creating something every day. I needed to feel like I was more than "just a SAHM", and I do now. Now, I have this wonderful alternate self (The Nap Warden), and I love being her!
The fact that I figured out how to use Illlustrator, and started my own illustration and design site (NW Designs) is just creamy icing on the cake! So I suppose what I'm saying is blogging does not=narcissism. Dooce once said that "being a SAHM is hard work, and it's nice to know we are not alone doing it". Nail...head...I'm just sayin'.

Oh, don't forget to check out my giveaway!

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56 comments:

  1. Um yes, I am with you 100% on this.
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  2. this is why i dare not tell i SOUL about my blog, and the fear of folks finding out...oh the joy they would get in cutting me to shreds i am sure.

    nevermind that i have been published in newspapers now, nevermind that i have used my brain to write and connect with other moms as well as connect with businesses who actually appreciated my ideas and comments and concerns. NO that wouldn't be valued. i know for a fact friends/family would think. what a waste of time spewing nonsense so she feels better.
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  3. ((hug)) Some people can't see beyond themselves. I completely understand how you feel. I went to my hubby's company picnic and was assaulted by an underling of his. He raged at how "I got to stay home and just write." It was yucky.

    I wanted to tell him how hard it is to write. I wanted to tell him of all the sacrifices we've made to do this. I wanted to tell him how good it was for hubby to do this. I wanted to tell him how we pulled it off. I wanted to tell him of the terror, sleepless nights and rejection.

    But I just nodded. Poor guy wouldn't have ever heard me.

    Sometimes, we have to find new friends?
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  4. What I find narcissistic is someone who thinks that he's actually "special" enough to call bullshit on something he doesn't know anything about.

    Dumbass.

    (Can I say dumbass on national television? If not, fee free to *bleep* me! LOL)
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  5. I can't believe he actually said that to you. WTF?!?!?

    I started my blog when I was home after my second daughter for 11 months. I detect a pattern. ;)

    But seriously, you do design, you write, you have a place to vent and hang out. He's probably just jealous. Jerk.
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  6. On behalf of COOL working mothers everywhere, I'd like to apologize mightily for the assy comment of your ex-friend.

    I have mom friends who work, and mom friends who stay home, and the common denominator is that we all respect the hard work and reality of each other's situations, whether driven by choice or by chance.

    Women have enough shit to deal with from the rest of the world without dumping on each other.
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  7. That is just crap. I think there are some people who blog because they're narcissistic, but saying that is not only lumping all into a tiny box.. it just shows the speaker's own dingbattedness. (deal)

    Sorry about that love. I for one love reading you, don't think you're narissistic, think you are immensely talented... so there. :-)
    Bah.
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  8. Ugh, I'm sorry that your friend felt the need to rip on something that he didn't understand. Blogging is not about airing dirty laundry, having no life or anything else. It allows us to connect to others who are glad to be SAHM but who also feel the need to talk to someone over the age of 2.

    Rock on, girl. We love you.
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  10. doesn't this person know the whole thing of if you have nothing nice to say... say nothing??

    I find people don't get blogs until they start their own
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  11. Wow, with friends like that who needs enemies?
    What an idiot.
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  12. Sing it sister, girl!

    Can I hear and AMEN!!
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  13. I came by from Shamelessly Sassy, although I've seen you "around town" sista.

    And I have to say this almost brought tears to my hormonally charged preggo eyes. One of my best friends JUST reamed me the other day because I told my friends in bloggy-ville about my pregnant news and I didn't tell her. I didn't want to tell ANYBODY because this is still fresh news and this is a first for me.

    People who don't blog don't get it. Simple.

    And I started blogging because I became a stay at home wife and began to feel utter embarrassment when people asked me what I did. My self esteem completely diminished. Now I feel rejuvenated and connected.

    whew. That's probably enough. Thanks for the great post.
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  15. If blogging is so narcissistic, how come I spent way more of my time READING other people's blogs, which make me feel like I'm not so alone, than I do writing mine? I have found a wonderful community of women who understand me because they are like me. It's not like Stay at Home Moms have company picnics or happy hours. I agree with judith shakespeare too, how do you get to think so highly of yourself that you can say what is or isn't worth someone else's time, or whether you are better than them?
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  16. I am with you on this. I don't think it equals narcissism at all. True, there are some men/women out there who think that everyone out there needs to know every little detail about them because their life is so important, but there are many of us who write for ourselves. Sure, we enjoy the comments we get, saying that someone read what we wrote. But our blogs are more like journals. We write about our hopes, dreams and missteps. It's nice to share it with the world, but we don't really care if the world sees it because getting it out there is what helps. Yes, I could write in a journal and hide it under my mattress, letting no one see it, but when someone reads what I've written and tells me, 'I understand, I know, I feel the same way', that means I've helped them in someway, and that feels good. It feels good to connect and good to help.
    Obviously many people don't get that. They see blogs as a way to talk about yourself, but blogs, especially 'mommy blogs' talk about you and your readers, because many of the people reading will feel the same and think the same as you, the author.
    Keep blogging. People that care and that matter will keep reading.
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  17. Oh bless your heart! Now when you add being a WAHM into the mix, you can be a narcissistic diarist, who lives a BS life and "oh how cute" you are trying to have your own business because you can't hack it in the real world or "oh how cute" you have a new hobby. THAT is MY life :)

    Dare I say people who can "hack it in the real world" MUST not be able to hack it at home? What if we took that kind of approach to those who work outside of the home?

    Ugh, nevermind. I really don't want to get started, not tonight, with a headache and my tot screaming at my knee.

    LOL
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  18. PS - Working Moms, I don't think that way, not at all. I remember that life, that world. I was just trying to make a point. :)
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  19. No one has the right to judge until they walk in the shoes of a SAHM. I even thought it was going to be a vacation until I lived it. No vacation here, that's for sure. I think blogging is an outlet and a necessary stress reliever.

    p.s

    Did you get my email reply?
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  20. NAIL. HEAD. YOU. ROCK!!!
    Let's be narcissists together.

    But honestly, non-bloggers, and those who resist it... do NOT get it. AT. ALL.

    But I do, and I'm 1000% with you on this!

    It's interesting, my hubby has shared my blog with some of the people he works with (and who work FOR him) and they like it. It shows them a little piece of me, and probably him too, so although he gets annoyed at how much I'm in front of the computer, he does get it, at least, just a little, that my blog has now become a big part of me.

    Okay, I'll shut it now ;)
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  21. I cannot even put into words how much this post resembles all the thoughts in my mind.

    "I don't have time to chit-chat with you during the day...I work"- I shed a tear just reading this. I know others feel this way about me too.

    Thank you for posting this. Very well said.
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  22. I have heard that from so many people about blogging. Sometimes I think it's true about myself, but it really isn't self-serving in the "I'm so great" way, more like a "I want to share the events of my life and meet others with similar interests." I don't think anyone should be so judgmental as to write that to you. I am sorry you had to put up with that from a "friend".
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  23. Well said!
    Blogging has saved my sanity many times over the past several years!
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  24. Just chalk it up to ignorance. Your friend doesn't know because he just doesn't do. Ya know? It is like therapy. And the friendships? Amazing.
    But again. He just doesn't know.
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  25. I think people who don't do it just don't get it.

    Their ignorance can sometimes make them, well, mean.

    Pity . . . lots and lots of pity.
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  26. Eh, he's a man. And will never be a SAHM.
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  27. I am sorry your friend hurt you. She must be having a hard time about something in her own life. I think that putting yourself and your stories out in the Blogosphere is the absolute opposite of narcissism. It is giving of yourself and sharing your heart. It is reaching out and making connections. Blogging has created an environment in which I am assured that other great women have many of the same thoughts and feelings about many of the same issues that I have, that I'm not alone when I feel whatever I'm feeling, be it happy, sad, crazy, mad or whatever. It is sharing a smile on some days and a sorrow on others, but the point is that it is shared. There's nothing narcissistic about that.

    Keep on keepin' on. Now, I'm sending a positive thought over to your friend. She needs it today.
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  28. He's an ass.

    And not much of a friend.

    Tell him to stick it...

    And I totally get where the working friends don't get what the SAHM gig is- that is why I have few friends left from my working days, sadly.
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  29. You know, even I sometimes find myself wondering about the whole narcissism thing and feeling silly about what I do. Fortunately I have had mostly encouragement from friends when they find out about it. What kind of jerk would say that to a friend? But I do realize that a lot of people just don't get it.

    All that to say, Amen and well written!!
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  30. You could reply back that narcissism is better than being a rude jacka$$ that would intentionally insult and hurt a FRIEND.
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  31. Obviously this "friend" of yours needs a good swift kick in the....ahem!
    This is why I wish I had never told some people about my blog...by "some people" though I mostly mean family. Ugh!
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  32. I'm glad you got that off your chest...and it's nice to know that I'm not alone. I have 3 little, little girls and a husband that travels alot. I can literally go days at a time without talking to anyone older than 4. How isolating is that! It's nice to have a place to chronical my life and a place to meet other people. I am sorry sometimes that my family reads my blog, otherwise it would be a great place for me to let off some steam too. I'm not brave enough for that....yet.
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  33. I don't get why people have to rag on others' hobbies. I hate golf. I don't get it, don't enjoy it, ick. And yet? I know that some people adore it and that is OK with me. I have no gripes with golfers. I will not go to the golf course and mock them and their outfits and desires to get just the right shots.

    So why would a "friend" say somethign about your blog?
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  34. Women every where get this BS from men. They think b/c if you are working mom or SAHM your life is boring b/c your a MOM. You know this is not a friend it someone who might be a tad envy of your success. I gave you my blog blast for peace award b/c you are inspiring moms everywhere to get out and run. Really here in Mississippi it nice to see a women so happy with running 12miles on Saturday in the rain up-hill to join a marathon. This friend should be a shamed of making you feel this way about yourself, but don't let it get to ya, b/c look at all the moms who are supporting you , and think you are awesome....
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  35. There are many reasons why I work, and not all of them involve money. Staying home is MUCH harder than it looks.

    No matter, when that "friend" and you are in the middle of town and it is suddenly invaded by aliens, you'll be able to run much faster and much further.
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  36. How rude & a typical comment from a friend, ugh!

    I've heard similar things with scrapbooking as well.

    Whatever, don't let it bother you! It's not like you are the only one blogging, it is a creative process. Much like writinga book or writing a magazine article. What about radio dj's that spend the entire morning show talking about themselves. Are they that way too? Give me a break!
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  37. Well, I just want to say, that I CARE! I enjoy reading what you have to say. Feeling like I can run a marathon (no wait that's you).

    Keep it up NW and kick the "friend" to the curb.
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  38. Maybe point out your huge following. Of course, you should add that there is now a Internet posse waiting to take him down.
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  39. OMG me too, me too! (reasons for blogging). Seriously it is so nice to find people talking about stuff that's important to you or funny or just plain blowing steam, and they totally get it and are right in the thick of things too. It's really helps make a bad day a little better when you get a bunch of cheery comments and you feel like "Ok I'm not alone here."

    What kind of friend does that btw? If he's so blunt then tell him to keep his piehole shut if he doesn't like it. Pretty lame and rude.
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  40. Yes, that quote from Dooce says it all! Sounds like your friend isn't quite the friend you thought he was.
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  41. Yikes, is asshat reading this post?

    I am always suprised how many people loathe mommy-bloggers (Ack, I hate typing that). People just don't know.
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  42. i tell some people about the blog, but not others. no one at work knows.

    the thing i've found is a community of people who are like minded and that is comforting.
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  43. Hugs! What a sucky email :(
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  44. Hugs for you!

    I've always kept a diary (for therapy purposes) of sorts and blogging for me was simply doing the same. I started it shortly after giving birth to my third and final wee one as a way to stay sane as well as communicate that part of me with the world. And, the best part is that I'm making some awesome friends along the way.

    BTW, you need to kick that "friend" to the curb with your most fabulous pair of running shoes!
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  45. I never understood blogging until recently. I enjoy it so much. I agree with many of you and I shouldn't of linked mine to some of my family and friends. I really like your blog SAHM.
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  46. Um I would have to say this person would not be very high on my friends list in the future,I have a girl friend that has 2 kids under the age of 2 and we are both very busy she reads my blog all the time to keep up with my life, she loves it because when she is up at 2am feeding the little one she gets to pop in on my life. I guess I am a huge Narcissist since I not only have a blog but also a myspace page and a facebook page all of which have different readers yet some are the same.
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  47. WOW! hard when someone says something so awful to you....when they just don't even try to get it. ugh....
    blogging has very much been a blessing in my life.
    I get the looks, and the shakes of the head in my group of friends and family, but I just ignore it.
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  48. I just started blogging and was so excited about it I started telling everyone. I definitely get cut on for it, especially by my co-workers. So I feel more reserved now about who I tell. But there have also been other people who have just been so supportive and make an effort to come to my blog on a regular basis and comment.
    You can't please everyone and those that have something derogatory like that to say aren't worth the time! Plus you have the blogging community behind you which is pretty darn cool!
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  49. Found you through Musings of a Housewife. Great post. I know so few real life bloggers, and my "real" friends just don't get it. I love the sense of community, that there are others out there also going through life with a brain, even if they don't have a salary to show for it!

    Thanks :)
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  50. I've only recently received a few odd comments here and there that really made me say, "hmmmm".

    I love reading other people's blogs because not only is it fun - but it gives me a window into their lives...

    Hope you're well... I'll be catching up on you soon! :)
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  51. well, I have TWO blogs, so what does that make me?

    Hey there, NW! Just getting caught up... finally!

    Sorry your "friend" is such a troll. Sounds like he's the one needing the shrink. Hugs!!!
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  52. Warden,

    The world is full of people who tell others what they do is wrong, nuts, or some other name.
    I'm sure Christopher Columbus's buddies thought he was a nut. What about Sandra Day O'Conner's friends? I'm sure Mother Theresa, Gandi, Martin Luther King, Lindbergh, Scott Adams, all received remarks about doing something that challenged them. Who cares. Imagine where we would be had any of them given in to conventional wisdom. If Mr. Dummy were in charge we would still be sitting in caves around the camp fire.

    I'm sure you have heard the same thing about running long distances?

    Stick and stones.....

    You are the Warden!
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  53. Well said! I started blogging for the same reasons. He may not care about your "crappy" life, but there are a lot of us out there living that same life, and we care.
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  54. I'd say you made your point!
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  55. Well you are kind of preachin' to the choir here. I so desperately need a creative outlet and that is what blogging provides. The fact that people seem to want to read it is just a bonus.

    The other COMPLETELY unexpected bonus. The community of fellow bloggers I have made who lift me up when I am down, laugh with me (at me) and just frankly "get me."

    To your friend: You can kiss my little narcissistic booty!!
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  56. Well put NW! With friends like that who needs enemies! I hope he reads all of these comments and feels stupid.
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